Relationships are weird...really weird

My newest epiphany is that most fights between lovers/life partners are remarkably similar in their weirdness. In other words, fights are reflections of our own strange inadequacies, rather than indications of deep-seated soul-crushing non-compatibility. That kind of relationship-ending garbage doesn't hide in between fights. It permeates interactions, good and bad. But even the worst fights are still weird reflections of yourself and your peculiar connection to another human being, colored by whatever context/item/other human being is closest. Think skating park, Instagram, your cousin's wounded turtle, or a piece of fruit.

This is what the twitter feed @wefoughtabout captures so perfectly.

Alan didn't take my "hair journey" slide show seriously.
— We Fought About: (@WeFoughtAbout) November 7, 2013

Alan and Claire have taken to the Internet to document the source of their quotidian conflicts, and it is like a couples counseling session that you never had to pay for. No, it's more remarkable than that. Each twitter post is an acknowledgement of the origin of the fight (in and of itself, an admirable feat), without sentimentality or horseshit psychology jargon, and with much humor. They touch on all facets of modern romance.

Jealousy:

Claire called our pet fish "baby" in front of me.
— We Fought About: (@WeFoughtAbout) November 6, 2013

Grief:

Claire blamed me for Dumbledore's death.
— We Fought About: (@WeFoughtAbout) October 9, 2013

Inappropriate musical accompaniment:

Alan harmonized with me.
— We Fought About: (@WeFoughtAbout) October 14, 2013

Read, laugh, and learn from the wonderful, revealing weirdness of their relationship.

Bruno Latour wins Holberg prize

Who cares? Right? I mean I've never heard of the Holberg prize, either. Well, the Holberg International Memorial Prize is awarded annually for research in the arts and humanities, social sciences, law and theology. Kind of like a Nobel Prize for the Social Sciences. Hey, okay. I guess even the social sciences deserve recognition.

And what about this Latour guy? Latour's studies have been described as a "strange mixture of sociology, anthropology and philosophy". He dabbles in research in science and technology, anthropology and metaphysics, too. What's not to love? Latour is also intrigued by the modern necessity of humans to quickly renew their own technological fabric in order to absorb the meaningfulness of their changing society. A renewal which can be confusing and fraught with woes as society judges you on just how you are renewing your technological make-up. Twitter or Facebook? E-mail or Text? Hotmail or gmail? Blogger or Wordpress. Iphone or Android or (the dreaded) Blackberry. These choices say something about you as a person and how society expects you to interact.

This is alongside a human movement to integrate more fully with the natural world. Eat vegan. Buy local. Source jobs at home. Garden organically. Teach your children yourself. And much like driving a hybrid car or using more efficient solar panels to heat your home it can be difficult to judge how much innovation it will take to go natural!

Early in his career, Latour also challenged scientific orthodoxy and the idea that scientific laboratory work was an unbiased search for truth. After studying neuroendocrinology research at the Salk Institute (in where?) he determined that typical individual experiments were produced inconclusive data and that science training largely consisted of learning to make subjective decisions about which data to keep and which to throw out. These subjective decisions were rooted in the scientists' social constructions.

What the--what? Well, I wrote this post for The Mary Sue on a study called "Men are from Earth/Women are from Earth?". The researchers of that paper pointed out that other studies regarding male/female differences did not even raise the question of whether or not men and women were psychologically different, because scientists already believed a difference existed. And scientists were looking for differences in a scientific way even though there was no scientific basis for such differences, only a social one based on the scientists' system of beliefs, oral traditions and personal cultural.

So you can thank Latour for pointing out that even science is not a purely scientific construction. It’s partly a social one. Plus he looks kind of like John Cleese. Am I right?

Women, humor, property, and taboo

Women are funny. Despite Christopher Hitchens yawning article about the evolutionary biology of female funniness, women are actually very funny, and even, on their own terms.  Cultural norms dictate a large part of what we humans claim is natural, normal, right, pure, heavenly, factual, and so on. Watch any television commercial with humans, I dare you. All of advertising is a play on our cultural expectations, usually the worst of it: women are sex objects, idiots, irritating, very very tidy, and either slightly mousy or female models; men are sex-starved, smart, arrogant, messy, and either slightly pudgy or male models. And clearly, women are only funny if we make fun of them.

Not true. Humans come in all shapes, sizes, and levels of irritating-ness, regardless of gender. Also, anyone can be funny, regardless of gender. But there are trade-offs involved in bucking those pesky cultural norms.  Phyllis Diller, a very curvaceous, sexy woman (ask Playboy editors from the 1960s), hid herself in tablecloths and costume makeup on stage, because clearly, no one would have been able to concentrate on her jokes if she was remotely attractive. Breasts! This is all anyone would have been thinking.

Joan Rivers explains candidly how cultural expectations defined her career, or more specifically, the male chauvinism of a very powerful Johnny Carson. She was passed over for years, asked to do the same work as men but not acknowledged as such, and then slandered for daring to pursue her own career.  She characterizes the mentality as “I found you, and you’re my property,” which makes my skin crawl and blood boil, and other Shakespearean shenanigans. Thankfully, I think we’ve moved past that stage, as a society. The waters are still murky though, and filled with opinion-operating-as-fact, and sadly, few stories about the adoring male groupies of female stand-up comedians.

But that is not why women go into stand-up comedy. Just like men, they love being on stage. They feel at ease, natural, happiest, when they are making people laugh, even if being on the road can be excruciating and lonely. And they produce some of the most profound comedy that I’ve ever seen: raunchy, taboo, honest, and transformative. This includes Tig Notaro, who took a diagnosis of cancer with her on stage and invited the audience to process its gravity with her, and made them laugh, cry, and wonder at her courage. I’ve never heard anything like it, and neither has one of the best comedic minds of our time, Louis C.K. Very powerful, and very funny. 

The S Files: asking for it?

LITERALLY.

So. Stubenville, eh? A town that cares more about high school football than justice or women's rights. A town that conspired in the drugging, kidnapping, gang rape, sodomisation and urination upon a female minor because she had the gall to dump the team's quarterback. A town that fosters the kind of misogyny that not only allows this sort of thing to happen, but also affectionately calls its perpetrators the Rape Crew – high school students who are given so much privilege that they can take an unconscious rape victim to not one but two coach's homes and still not be charged. (For a full report, see the ongoing report at LocalLeaks, driven by Anonymous cell KnightSec. A trigger warning probably goes without saying, but it might also make you lose faith in humanity.)

But as one of the coaches told the New York Times, the rape was just an "excuse", because "what else are you going to tell your parents when you come home drunk like that and after a night like that? She had to make up something. Now people are trying to blow up our football program because of it." Exactly. This high school football team and its 19 coaches conspired to drug, kidnap, and gang rape a girl because she dumped one of the players and now, gawd! People are expecting this institutionalised criminality not only to stop but also to pay for what it's done? There is just no justice! Don't we know who these high school athletes are?! Well, we do now.

The key issue here has to do with the entitlement the perpetrators felt they had. Putting aside whether she was inebriated, it does not change the fact that these guys still raped her, and thought it was a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Knight Sec managed to obtain a 12-minute video of one of the Rape Crew discussing the incident. As reported by LocalLeaks:

The video was shot so soon after the attack, that one person present becomes disgusted and actually leaves to go check on the condition of the victim. It is important to also note that despite this strong evidence, [he] has yet to be arrested or charged in this brutal attack.

(Incidentally, if you feel that someone who admits to at least being an accessory to these crimes – and finds them hysterical, no less – shouldn't receive an athletic scholarship to the university whose t-shirt he is wearing while being so bloody offensive, why not sign this petition? You know what's gonna be "dead", dude? Your professional football career.)

Mmmkay?

It is sobering that despite all the people aware of what was happening – including a 'friend' of the victim, who was the catalyst for the evening's atrocities, and two authority figures – no one really stood up to say "this is not okay. What you are doing is not funny, it is not just, it is a crime and a violation". Maybe the town of Stubenville, its bumbling sheriff and its prosecuting attorney (the mother of one of the rapists and whose home the crime took place in, no less) can rally together to delete images from cell phones, scare the victim into not pressing charges, and even sue a local blogger for defamation, but shouldn't they instead be teaching their sons that hey, when a girl breaks up with you, you don't exact revenge by orchestrating a 12-hour gang rape, videoing it and posting it to the internet?  And no, this isn't about just not sharing it on social media because you might get caught, it's about NOT DOING IT AT ALL. You get dumped, go get a thing of Chunky Monkey and watch some John Hughes films like everyone else. You want a taste of vigilante justice? Well, Anonymous heard you. 

The coaches can say whatever they want about how the victim had it coming or what did she expect, but what they are not doing is denying that she was raped. They are instead implicitly saying that it is right that she was raped. That it's okay the high school football team gang-raped and sodomised a fellow student, because she was drunk. This is the logic. If a girl gets drunk, she should be raped. That's what happens when girls drink. She had it coming. And so it goes with rape culture: the responsibility lies only with women. To teach women to Not Get Raped is to not only presume all men are rapists, but to give them permission to be rapists.

A woman's body is not public property. No one is entitled to it. It doesn't matter how she chooses to dress, how she behaves, what she says: if she is raped, she did not have it coming. No one has a rape coming. Not even the rape crew.

An Important PSA about Fake Geek Girls

I've been a fan of "A Distant Soil" ever since the fated day in 2001 I stumbled upon one of Colleen Doran's collections because it was sitting too close to an Elfquest anniversary edition at Big Planet Comics. I haven't even read all of her exquisitely drawn issues.

Doran has posted a PSA on her website accompanied by a discussion about what she called, "The Emotional Economics of Scarcity".  This is about bullying folks, the sexism prevalent in geek (and may I add gaming) culture, about the subsistence of mean girls even within subculture cliques and, I think, a study about how women have been trained to interact to tear each other down in dominantly patriarchal constructs.

Yes, watch the hysterical, 40's style propaganda film. (While you are at it, enjoy "Women, know your limits!" from Henry Enfield of the BBC immediately afterward).

There is no contradiction between being a frock-sporting, lipstick-wearing, fake-eyelash fluttering female and being a blathering, fandom-obsessed, subculture-worshiping geek.  There is no dichotomy.  Geek culture, science fiction and in fact science, math and technology are not inherently male.  And they will keep telling you that they are.  They are not.  Einstein's brain might have been different than normal people's brains, but the normal male brain is no different than yours.  There is nothing about aggression that inherently indicates leadership.  It only indicates that you are a dude since it is biological linked to a production of testerone.  All of those ideas are constructs.  Perhaps becasue the 1%-ers are 99.998% male, and they are terrified that any change in the status quo represents a loss of control. It doesn't.  Without change there is only stagnation.

More importantly, there is no diminishing of yourself when others succeed.  To think anything otherwise is straight up narcissism and you should probably get that checked out.  With a therapist. Change is made by groups sticking together and pursuing similar ideals side-by-side.

Now go listen to "As Cool As I Am," by Dar Williams.

A Magic Binder Full of Women

During university, a particularly awe-inspiring upperclasswoman who lived down the hall from me had fine-tuned a feminist, tri-colored Magic the Gathering deck by Wizards of the Coast. All of the cards, whether creature or enchantments, featured powerful female images.

Jiminy Christmas did I want one just like it.

However, my geek-lust for that deck has nothing on the Magic Binder Full of Women's, selection of politically charged cards, which has sprung up in response to the birth of the "Binders full of Women" meme following Romney's quickly quipped gaffe in the second presidential debate.

You can bulk out your deck with choices like:

• Nancy Reagan (artifact) - All of your undead units creatures in play gain the text "regeneration".
• Michell Obama (angel) - Flying, Vigilance. Target creature gain flying until end of turn.
• Jan Brewer (legendary harpy) - Return target creature to owner's hand. 

Now some of you may be complaining that Internet memes detract from the real issues, in what is, essentially, a deadly serious political contest. But in my opinion, memes actually draw attention to the issues. While I didn't have access to live television coverage for the second presidential debate while I'm in London, I knew exactly what I'd missed first thing in the morning during my daily in-bed Facebook/Twitter scan. And it was impossible not to notice that equal pay for equal work and women's rights were at the heart of this meme.

Also, it sticks because it is damn funny.

You can submit your own ideas for the cards here.

A war on two fronts

Usually I leave the politics stuff to FreshSnaps, AletheaKairos and Catty, but this smacks of a fundamental misunderstanding of word usage and by gum, I will defend the rights of semantics everywhere.

Rebecca Solnit, has a nice article on Salon, "Must men be patronizing?" about why some men feel compelled to hold court and explain things to women. Now Solnit is incredibly succinct and is a lover of facts by profession, but I'm going to state first that not all men are enamored with the sound of their own voices and that women can succumb to this kind of smugness and entitlement as well. (Phew, that's out of the way), but "the out-and-out confrontational confidence of the totally ignorant is", according to Solnit, "gendered".

"Self-doubt is a good tool for correcting, understanding, listening, and progressing," suggests Solnit, "though too much is paralyzing and total self-confidence produces arrogant idiots." She goes on to say, "This syndrome is a war that nearly every woman faces every day, a war within herself too, a belief in her superfluity, an invitation to silence, one from which a fairly nice career as a writer (with a lot of research and facts correctly deployed) has not entirely freed me."

"On two occasions ... I objected to the behavior of a man, only to be told that the incidents hadn’t happened at all as I said, that I was subjective, delusional, overwrought, dishonest — in a nutshell, female ... Billions of women must be out there on this 6-billion-person planet being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever. This goes way beyond Men Explaining Things, but it’s part of the same archipelago of arrogance."

Why am I going on about this? Because I agree with Solnit that "at the heart of the struggle of feminism to give rape, date rape, marital rape, domestic violence, and workplace sexual harassment legal standing as crimes has been the necessity of making women credible and audible."

Yes, that's right, this is a post about Todd Akin and the use of language when discussing rape (Thanks to the NYTimes for the the link).

Kelly Whitman's has some excellent things to say about talking about and acknowledging rape in her "Using the Right Words About Rape" post at her Mocha Momma blog. As a young mom and a teacher, she tries to speak naturally and organically with her children about their bodies and how to discern abuse. Why can't we do the same thing as a nation with our laws and with the adults we have elected to Congress?

"Most women fight wars on two fronts," Solnit tells us, "one for whatever the putative topic is and one simply for the right to speak, to have ideas, to be acknowledged to be in possession of facts and truths, to have value, to be a human being. Things have certainly gotten better, but this war won’t end in my lifetime."

And thanks to bors blog for the "The Avenging Uterus Vs. Todd Akin" Strip!

Sasquatch!

My husband has taken to watching Animal Planet's Finding Bigfoot. It's ridiculous. Despite never having found the remains of a Sasquatch, the droppings of a Sasquatch, or actually – irrefutably – caught one on camera, this dedicated team goes all Blair Witch in the Pacific Northwest with their Sasquatch "calls" and proof that bigfoots "whistle", "can't understand words", and "sleep on hemlock" in the open forest.
As this show really only prompts more questions than it answers, we've taken to googling and wiki-ing Sasquatch for random fun facts. Here's the one my husband found:
"'Sasquatch' is a slang term for 'hairy vagina'."
I'm not sure how much I can express the rage I felt when I heard that. Because, seriously? The vagina is an internal organ. What you're talking about is the labia. There is no such thing as a 'hairy vagina'. (While we're at it, there's also no vagina dentata.) Second? The labia is supposed to be hairy. Just like armpits, upper lips, bellies, legs, arms, and ears. Just like dudes are hairy.
You don't need to be a doctor to know this but if you are a heterosexual male with any hope of having consensual sexual relations with a member of the opposite sex the least you can do is learn what things are called and where they are. Damn, y'all.

Also, yay for Those Pesky Dames, who take to YouTube to rant about body hair and other feminist topics. I was introduced to them on Cherry Healey's latest series, How to Get a Life, which is a hell of a lot more interesting than Finding Bigfoot.

Hef comes out swinging for women in GOP war

It may seem hard to believe but Playboy founder and pajama enthusiast Hugh Hefner actually likes women. According to Politico, Hef published a rare editorial in the magazine's May issue, condemning the Republican war on women and attempting to stoke what he called a "new sexual revolution":

"If these zealots have their way, our hard-won sexual liberation — women’s rights, reproductive rights and rights to privacy — lie in peril. We won’t let that happen."

This undoubtedly will be criticised as self-serving; if women are shamed into keeping their legs together, Hefner is less likely to get laid (let's not dwell on logistics or visuals). But having lived through the glorious decade(s) these comparatively whippersnapper politicians laud as some kind of lost golden age – and considering he started publishing the magazine in 1953 – Hef is in a unique position to call bullshit.  I have a fondness for Playboy; maybe it's because I grew up in Chicago in the 70s, when sexual liberation reached the suburbs and The Playboy Club seemed so glamorous (my dad was a member).

I appreciate the magazine is responsible for a lot of damage when it comes to sexism and objectifying women. And although many feminists will regard his editorial as suspect, Hefner has undeniably had a unique insight into womens' sexuality during the past six decades – our sexual liberation was absolutely in Playboy Enterprises' best interest.

The magazine reaches an audience that has little crossover with... say... Jezebel, and its readership is more likely to listen to Hef than a feminist movement that might come off as unapproachable or has been misrepresented by its enemies. Without strong women, Playboy is nothing: Hef started his empire on a $1000 loan from his mother and his daughter ran the company from 1982-2009. 

 I'm pleased to see Hefner add his voice and influence to the cause. Men are less likely to gaslight other men and as ridiculous as Hefner has become, it's a lot harder for old rich white men to rubbish another old rich white man's opinion as 'hysteria'.

Play to Win

NYLON magazine ran Diane Vadino's article, "Play to Win," (zip to page 170) a short, playful, fashiony article featuring Rue (Amandla Stenberg), Clove (Isabelle Fuhrman), Glimmer (Leven Rambin) and Foxface (Jackie Emerson), all minor characters in the Hunger Games movie.

Yes, I saw the Hunger Games at 12:00 AM the day of its release. Yes, I saw it without any (lame) friends who may have been worried about being groggy the next day at work. Yes, I bought myself an excruciating amount of exorbitantly priced popcorn. Yes, the theatre was packed. And no, no, no, I did not regret one minute. Especially not when some young lads in the balcony (thank you, Uptown theatre) began chanting "Peeta! Peeta!" before hand.

First, Amandla Stenberg (Rue) is dressed adorably throughout the 4-page spread. Second, there is a reason Nylon is focusing on the ladies, and it's not because of the typical female reasons.

A friend (I'm looking at you mlle kitty) asked me what the fuss was about. And it's this: Harry Potter was dark, and the characters did anything to defeat evil, for justice, for freedom, perhaps just because they had the courage to do it. Spoiler: Everything works out in the end. Everybody gets a family; gets a good job; gets the girl. Even Draco gets a girl.

In the Twilight series, the world is dark, and heck, why not, because the world is hyper-romantic and the main characters do anything for love. Love conquers all right? If you love someone enough you can make it work, no? You can change the world. You can even change yourself.

Well, in the Hunger Games, the world is dark, and the characters will do anything to ... eat. The sappy, doe-eye, idealistic characters are ... all men. Depression and disappointment and bad luck means starvation, and perhaps a brutal death, while the affluent one percent cheers your demise. Attempts to escape mean punishment and humiliation and silence. Sound familiar? Oh yeah, it does. It sounds like real life.

Here is a dash of realism that Vadino did not overlook. "The stakes of victory are not the triumph of good  over evil, but, for most of them, the sad remaining years of a life interrupted ... The Hunger Games is the right match for the cash-strapped wartime during which it was created."

Okay, also the lead character, Katniss, is a steel-hearted, huntress who can shoot a deer through the eye.

Woot!

Super Best Friends Forever

Lauren Faust has created a series of animated shorts in which Batgirl, Supergirl and Wondergirl hang out and fight supervillains. Who is Faust? She is the genius (genius!) story artist behind Power Puff Girls and creator of My Little Pony's: Friendship is Magic, that's all. io9 spills all in, "Super Best Friends Forever".

Here is a scan from the page about the shorts in TV Guide via supercool comics. The interstitials will be scattered throughout a new "DC Nation" block of Saturday morning cartoons that Cartoon Network will be airing featuring DC Comics heroes, premiering March 3rd.

Thank you, Faust.  Thank you for getting it right over and over again. Here is a fun, adventurous albeit lighthearted view of classic comic book heroes unfiltered through the eyes of girls.  Now draw some more after being inspired by Mike Maihack batgirl & supergirl webcomic.

Erm, you too sugar addicts.

The He-Man/She-Ra gender divide

I was always a Transformers and GI Joe kind of girl. Voltron, Dungeon and Dragons, Robotech, Thundercats and (somewhat embarrassingly) Jem and the Holograms, which, in reflection, were serials that overplayed romance and tragedy rather than humorous situations that taught life-lessons. But on a recent late-night date with a bottle of ice-cold muscat and Qubo's Night Owl I watched the Masters of the Universe shows He-Man and She-Ra for this first time. Wildly disdained by my discerning eye in the 80's, this viewing lead me to a few realizations why people (still!) love these Filmation productions:

He-Man is an attractive metaphor for a boy-child's transition into adulthood. Who wouldn't want a magical sword to change you from a frightened, sheltered, indecisive coward to a self-assured natural leader who is the most powerful man in the universe? And Prince Adam's lack of confidence didn't seem just due to laziness and pampering; his misgivings seemed pre-pubescent. He-Man's voice even transitions from tenor to baritone.

But has anyone else noticed that He-Man is not afraid to be kind and considerate? When things don't go his way in battle, he laughs at himself. A far cry from what we're taught by the Apprentices and Katie Prices of reality TV. He-Man's fairness to the misfortunate who'd fallen upon hard times and his merciless to the evil-doeers who begged for sympathy were equally appealing. What could be more rewarding for a man than for his friends to need his help and for him to be able to readily satisfy them? (By the way, the evil-bunny dude in the episode 'Quest for He-Man', was ripe with passive aggressive homo-erotic overtones. I'm just saying is all.)

But the metaphor doesn't come across one-to-one for his sister She-Ra does it? Unlike Adam, Adora is never cowardly, but is instead gentle, mild-mannered and mildly submissive. She is also intelligent and helpful, but is somehow unable to effect change or fight for what she knows is right without becoming She-Ra. For heavens sake, She-Ra doesn't even say "I have the power", she screams "I am She-Ra!" as if finally remembering her identity. (Why does Bo resemble Adam more than He-Man? Even He-Man has sharp-tongued Teela to pine after. And who, who, I ask you, made Bo wear that ridiculous cravat?).

Even as a child I recognized that She-Ra lacked part of the attraction of He-Man. The transformation of her personality is less substantial, and I'm not just talking about a change in voice-timbre, here.

Although, sure, who wouldn't want a bitchin' rainbow-winged unicorn to ride?

No one, that's who. Even He-Man is itching to trade Battle-Cat in for Spirit, I bet.

ilovecatparty

Had this discussion on Sunday about the ownership of female sexuality and whether it had been irreparably interpreted through the lens of the patriarchy. This was inspired by my first visit to CandyBar in London (1996? London I thought you were liberated). What was this girl-power bupkis on the walls? Not. Sexy. What were these videos of male fantasies, which primarily featured women? Not. Sexy. What were these multi-colored pinpoint lights on the dance floor that made the patrons look as if they'd been glitter-bombed? (Okay, those were sexy-fun. GirlPower!)

So where was the sexy, I ask you? The unfiltered sexy as interpreted by a woman through her own eyes? Well, enter ilovecatparty written by Chelsea Fairless and Megan Hart. Their blog is unabashedly feminine and equal parts fashion, quirk and pink fluff (plus Elisabeth Moch's illustrations look like the island of Dr. Moreau was inhabited by Josie and the Pussycats).

Need convincing of its awesomeness? Check out posts 'Watch the Throne', Mermaids, and 'The Company of Wolves'.

And at the end of the day, what endeared me these two forever? Their post celebrating Gothic Romance. Long live paperback pulp covers.

Cleverest Women Drink You Under The Table

The Telegraph article, "Cleverest Women are the Heaviest Drinkers," reports on a comprehensive study carried out by the London School of Economics that followed thousands of 39-year-old women. The study determined that the more educated women are, the more likely they are to drink alcohol on most days. Similar trends were spotted for men, but in the case of women, their alcohol consumption could even be predicted from their scores in school tests taken when they are as young as five. "Women who achieved "medium" or "high" test marks as schoolgirls are up to 2.1 times more likely to drink daily as adults."

The scientists reasoned the women tended "to have children later, postponing the responsibilities of parenthood" and also, "may have more active social lives or work in male-dominated workplaces with a drinking culture."

Obviously, the blogosphere has more entertaining speculation. Everything from "college being a four-year pub crawl" and acclimatizing educated women to drinking cultures (*cough*, not my college) to the pleasure women derive from delving in the sense of entitlement drinking provides and the availability of such commodities dependent on the larger size of their pocketbooks. One of my personal favorites, expounded on the amount of alcohol it takes a smart person to deal with how retarded the world is.

But borrowing an example from the Cokie Roberts, Don Imus, and Chris Wallace scandal, "No, We're Not Going to Shut Up," Michel Martin from NPR illustrates how there is a strong historical impression that women should sit down and shut up in the workplace.

"It used to be that men with a shred of power could say whatever they wanted about women and women had to put up with it, or get a man to duel for them or something...I cannot help but think that what the fury is really about is the loss of entitlement."

Studies show that women who are as assertive as men at the office are struck by a Double-Bind Dilemna. From the New York Times article, "Feminine Critique,":

"...women who act in ways that are consistent with gender stereotypes...are considered less competent. But if they act in ways that are seen as more “male” —“act assertively, focus on work task, display ambition” — they are seen as “too tough” and “unfeminine.”

And if you are damned if you do and damned if you don't without cultivating a suitable outlet for your rage, any wonder why that glass of chardonnay is looking a little less frisky? [via the Gothamist, thanks Maria].

Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes

Daina Taimina's book mixing math and crochet won the UK's 'Odd' Prize, the Diagram Award with a non-euclidean tribute to home economic arts. "Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes" is filled with over 200 color photograph's and Taimina, a mathematics professor at Cornell University, also gives you a delightful crash course in curvature and differential geometry using examples like pears and kale to represent complex forms.

The pictures are so awesome I don't know what to do with myself. The images are organic, futuristic and (dare I say) a little bit steam punk in application. Why, why aren't all of our clothes made with hyperbolic planes?

For a more in-depth explanation of hyperbolic geometry including an interview with Taimina, "Crocheting the Hyperbolic Plane: An Interview with David Henderson and Daina Taimina," by Cabinet Magazine contains vivid examples. For more about Taimina, the London Times article, "How crochet solved an age-old maths problem," has an interesting (if albeit overtly patriarchal) overview on how this traditionally feminine handicraft was initially dismissed by Taimina's friends and family but went on to fuel her breakthrough in modeling impossible mathematical forms.

The London Mathematical Society called it a coffee table book of the highest quality and the images should inspire mathematicians and crafty fingers alike. Math is delicious!

Rise of the Flapper

So I've been known to glorify a pin-up or two., fancy a burlesque show and traipse myself off the a 20's themed fancy dress party. Some of these highly estimable obsessions could use some context. Mental Floss has a lovely article, "The Rise of the Flapper," that describes the movement of post World War I women to kick up their heels and roll down their stockings. Early pioneers of feminism, flappers followed the suffragettes in flaunting patriarchal authority by putting on trousers, throwing caution to the wind, and making their own decisions about how they wanted to live their lives. Well-done, sister suffragettes.

Transdisciplinary Approaches to the Work of Alan Moore

As carried by the ever edgy, witty, and ultimately geeky io9, The University of Northampton is pleased to announce Magus: Transdisciplinary Approaches to the Work of Alan Moore. In their own words, "an interdisciplinary conference that will bring together not only appraisals of Moore's comic works, but also his wider cultural manifestations and their significance at the start of the 21st century". Phew. A mouthful.

Potential topics for papers or panels might include, but are not restricted to:

* Comic revisionism and the graphic novel
* Comics and literature
* The political philosophy of Moore's canon
* Moore's relationship to the mainstream comic industry
* Adaptations of Moore's work to screen and other media
* Psychogeography and place in Moore's work
* Magick and spirituality
* Site-specific events
* Pornography and erotica in Moore's work
* Fandom and reception
* The underground press
* Collaborations and networks
* Music and musical collaborations
* Intertextuality and referentiality

Also, the keynote speech will be given by Paul Gravett, lynchpin of the British comics scene and author of Great British Comics, Cult Fiction: Art and Comics, and Graphic Novels: Everything you Need to Know.

The important, interesting, CandyBuffet bit, is that the academic conference is soliciting papers and proposals for potential panels. That means you, average Joe, may submit insights, musings, convergent realizations and what have you as an abstract of no more than 300 words. Accompany submissions with a short biography of less than 100 words and submit to Nathan Wiseman-Trowse of the conference review panel at wiseman-trowse@northampton.ac.uk, by 4th December 2009.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish my panel submission, "Hyper-Sexualization of Female Vigilante Costumes: re-interpretation of traditionally oppressive vehicles in an exploration of sexuality, intelligence and capability in the Watchmen. That's copy-written you-know.

Pig Essence

Fluffy, curvy, wobbly, sqooshy. Rubenesque, gordita, ample-bossomed, pleasantly-plump. I have used so many words in service to the squashier side of humanity (see, I just used another one) but all of them tend to be empty euphemisms skirting around a present state. A state which has been bastardized to indicate sloth, laziness, greediness, unattractiveness with an underlying embarrassment which implies a lack of control or willpower. Very few words, and indeed conversations, discuss the often inevitable state of becoming (shall I say it?) fatter, the fear of becoming fatter and in general the process of adding meat to one's so called bones. Don't know what I'm talking about? Start watching Mad Men and sympathizing with Betty Draper.

Meanwhile, enter pinguescence, for which a mnemonic lies above. It is a rare and nearly out of use word for the process of growing fat. Adding it to conversation lends numerous ways of elucidating your fears of a state demonized throughout female culture, though rarely spoken of openly. For example,

• Even though the scale has gone up since I've started working out, I know, my pinguescence is deteriorating.
• French fries are a notorious catalyst of my pinguescent nature.

And my favorite

• Curse my sudden but inevitable pinguescence!

Take back the language, my friends, take back the language.

Hand Bones

I called them Hand Bones while growing up. A line a picked up from the ever popular "Mocking Bird" rhyme. Recently stuck at home with an injured shoulder the repetitive movement was about all a could manage to relieve boredom and I found myself clapping rhymes with myself.

Enter the suddenly remembered secret domain of a little girl. Handclapping rhymes, a important component of handed-down oral girl culture and an altogether mysteriously shared experience. The Daring Book for Girls describes them as a fascinating oral storytelling tradition, many of which flirt with adult concepts such as, courtship, language and power memes all while using inventive language, simple songs, and sometimes tricky choreography.

If you'd like to catch a couple of school girls artfully giggling their way through some modern ones, watch the videos hosted on Kidz Lore, an Australian folklore website that has a section on "clapping games" which provides a nice collection.

One of my favorite memories of these games comes from a magical day in the fourth grade when I taught three friends how to do the only foursome hand bones I knew, Rocking Robin, as you have it which made us the stars of the playground for a week. Oh, and if you just want to remember how to do your favorites again? Cocojams.com has a good list of songs and patterns.

5 things I learned from Marjorie Hills

In the spirit of New Year's, I've devoted a week of posts to reinvention, end-of-year examination, and methods of achieving goals. And I can't think of a better way to start than with one of my favorite books. "Live Alone and Like It", by Marjorie Hillis can't come with a high enough recommend. It is a stern, yet witty treatise on the human existence (especially from a female perspective) and though the content is dated, the wisdom is eternal. It should be essential reading for every female teen through tween on the planet.

Marjorie Hills has the uncanny knack of finding the trick of how to suffer through yourself from day to day by using a grain of salt and a touch of humor. Her grandest lesson being, we can be our own best friends if, when you are alone, you treat yourself like a guest. Here are five other life changing pieces of advice from her:

1. On Loneliness and Ennui:
   

   If you are bored and lonely, blame it on your own lack of initiative. If you are interesting, you'll have plenty of friends and if you're not, you won't, unless you're very, very rich. Anyone who pities herself for more than a month on end is a "weak sister" and likely to become a public nuisance besides. The role of a martyr may be appealing to the player, but a terrible bore to everyone else.



2. On Being Interesting and Making Friends:
   

   Being interesting does not depend on income, but on cultivation. Being well read and well informed, learning to listen and how to draw people out, taking the trouble to refine one's taste and develop one's ideas about painting, plays or politics and is the duty of any sensible, intelligent human being who wishes to have a social life.



3. On Loving Yourself:
   

   Don't economize on flowers and beware of the dispiriting effects of snacks on one morale. It takes a genius to make an impression in run-down heels and an unbecoming hat. You need good clothes and grooming. Our vote is for a little pampering--as much, in fact, as can be squeezed out of your schedule and your budget. Really smart clothes can cost as little a dowdy ones and it is not the ladies with the uncrowded schedules and large budgets who look the best. Go in for cosmetics in a serious way. A few good strokes with a hair brush, a bit of cuticle oil and a lotion on the hands, cleansing cream and whatever other cream does the most for your face, are just as important as brushing your teeth. A glass of sherry and an extremely special dinner can be served on a night when you are tired and alone. Bath slats, toilet water and a trim little cotton frock that flatters you can be worn on the morning when you are feeling violently domestic.



4. On Self Sufficiency:
   

   Never, never, never let yourself feel that anybody ought to do anything for you. Once you become a duty, you also become a nuisance. Be surprised and pleased at gifts, invitations and other attentions.



5. On Loving Your Surroundings:
   

   It is a good idea to give some extra-special attention to your surroundings. The place you live should reflect your personality-- and it will, whether you want it to or not. It will give you away to everyone who comes in, and it will influence your moods and your morale. But after all, it should be comfortable according to you needs and peculiarities. This is your house and it is the one place in the world where you can have things exactly.

A while ago, upon reading my Amazon wish-list my sister wanted to know why I wanted to read a book with such a title about "living alone". "Is there trouble in you marriage?" she inquired.

"Everyone dies alone," Captain Malcolm Reynolds of FireFly once said and the sentiment of that statement is true in the converse. Everyone one lives alone, because at the end of the day (until we evolve into telepathic beings) we think for ourselves, we hope to please ourselves and we try to make something of ourselves. No matter how hard we try to live for others, our lives are seen most acutely through our own lens and weighed most delicately by our own scales. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself become a burden to yourself and try to inject a little gaiety into our weary world.