Texts From Jane Eyre

Mallory Ortberg wrote Texts from Jane for the Hairpin.

A snippet:

JANE I BOUGHT YOU A DRESS MADE OF TEN THOUSAND PEARLS AS A BRIDAL PRESENT where on earth would I wear that YOU COULD WEAR IT ON THE MOON that seems impractical how would i even breathe on the moon? I WOULD BREATHE FOR YOU MY JANE

Read it because it is funny. Read it because, I could read a whole blog just about texts from characters in classic novels. Really, I could read the whole of Jane Eyre re-wtritten as texts. Are you listening Mallory Ortberg?

Like it? Try Texts from Scarlett O'Hara.

Wordless Diagrams

There is something appealing about diagrams without language. You've entered a realm of mystical symbology. Like when Ikea got rid of all the words in their instructions.

That's why I'm lusting over Wordless Diagrams by award-winning illustrator and graphic designer Nigel Holmes. The universalness of the messages are like big language-transcending hugs to humanity. Inside this whimsical picture-book are practical guides to complex tasks such as how to program your VCR, or how to kiss hello in different countries. These graphic explanations are uncomplicated and easy to understand (though I wouldn't recommend attempting the diagram for performing a facelift, unless of course there was some sort of zombie apocalypse spy ring scenario.  In that case, please, save the world).

Listen to an interview with the author on NPR and don't forget to visit Holmes' website which is wordless too.

Play to Win

NYLON magazine ran Diane Vadino's article, "Play to Win," (zip to page 170) a short, playful, fashiony article featuring Rue (Amandla Stenberg), Clove (Isabelle Fuhrman), Glimmer (Leven Rambin) and Foxface (Jackie Emerson), all minor characters in the Hunger Games movie.

Yes, I saw the Hunger Games at 12:00 AM the day of its release. Yes, I saw it without any (lame) friends who may have been worried about being groggy the next day at work. Yes, I bought myself an excruciating amount of exorbitantly priced popcorn. Yes, the theatre was packed. And no, no, no, I did not regret one minute. Especially not when some young lads in the balcony (thank you, Uptown theatre) began chanting "Peeta! Peeta!" before hand.

First, Amandla Stenberg (Rue) is dressed adorably throughout the 4-page spread. Second, there is a reason Nylon is focusing on the ladies, and it's not because of the typical female reasons.

A friend (I'm looking at you mlle kitty) asked me what the fuss was about. And it's this: Harry Potter was dark, and the characters did anything to defeat evil, for justice, for freedom, perhaps just because they had the courage to do it. Spoiler: Everything works out in the end. Everybody gets a family; gets a good job; gets the girl. Even Draco gets a girl.

In the Twilight series, the world is dark, and heck, why not, because the world is hyper-romantic and the main characters do anything for love. Love conquers all right? If you love someone enough you can make it work, no? You can change the world. You can even change yourself.

Well, in the Hunger Games, the world is dark, and the characters will do anything to ... eat. The sappy, doe-eye, idealistic characters are ... all men. Depression and disappointment and bad luck means starvation, and perhaps a brutal death, while the affluent one percent cheers your demise. Attempts to escape mean punishment and humiliation and silence. Sound familiar? Oh yeah, it does. It sounds like real life.

Here is a dash of realism that Vadino did not overlook. "The stakes of victory are not the triumph of good  over evil, but, for most of them, the sad remaining years of a life interrupted ... The Hunger Games is the right match for the cash-strapped wartime during which it was created."

Okay, also the lead character, Katniss, is a steel-hearted, huntress who can shoot a deer through the eye.

Woot!

DC Comic Mimomicro Card Readers

Mimoco began making drool-worthy 'mimomicro' portable data drives in 2005. My hands still shake when I realise I never got these paws on the Princess Lei USB drive.

The Boston-based geniuses have now opened a line of superhero based gadgets after collaberating with DC Comics. Each device has a built-in keychain, a flip out USB port, an LED light so you know its working.

If you can hear me God, forgive me for Princess Lei mishap only if I get my hands on Wonder Woman.

You. want. this. don't you.

The Enlightened Bracketologist

Various so-called friends have ridiculed me for my list addiction. So I've documented my top ten favorite movie kissing scenes. And my top ten favorite dance scenes (Footloose makes both lists BTW). I've always had trouble picking a favorite.

Welcome to the land of The Enlightened Bracketologist: The Final Four of Everything, by Mark Reiter and Richard Sandomir, is a book that uses NCAA Tournament-style brackets to answer life's difficult questions. You know like what's the best American craft beer? Or your boss's most annoying habit? Maybe not deep questions but probing ones.

Bracketology parses people, places, and things into discrete one-on-one matchups then pits them in an intellectual knock out tournament. At the end we are the winner by understanding what we we prefer. Simple.

Try making your own bracket system to help you make the best life choices ... like what to do with an hour of leisure time. You're probably ready to throw in the Towel with your office pool bracket anyhow.

Literary Composites

We all have a mental image of what the characters in our favorite books look like.  Brian Joseph Davis has gone one better, using law enforcement composite software to create a sketch based on the writer's description.  The results aren't perfect, and some hover on the edge of the uncanny valley, but others like Lolita's  Humbert Humbert seem pretty spot on.

He's taking suggestions.  Who would you like to see?

THE COMPOSITES via bookshelves of doom

The Upside Of Being An Introvert

This week's Time magazine's cover story begins with an anecdote I am all too familiar with: I have never been to a party, where I did not hide out in the bathroom for ten minutes. It's nice and quiet in the loo. So, shhhh.

"The Upside of Being an Introvert (and why extroverts are overrated)", explores the difference between introversion and shyness, lists some pretty awesome introverted public figures (we get Hillary Clinton!) and discusses research that shows how highly reactive babies tend to be hyper-sensitive and more likely to grow into introverts.

Time has some lovely side-along online content at, "Shhhh! The Quiet Joys of the Introvert", where you can take a quiz as well.

Hey, even though Myers-Briggs has been agreeing with me since I was 16, you might need a second opinion.

Every city should have a Washington Monument

The 2011 east coast earthquake did significant damage to the Washington Memorial in DC, including cracks and chipped corners. Sadness!

Repairs means closing my favorite obelisk for a year.  I sure hope the pick pretty scaffolding like Clinton did.

So in honor of its cracks I present a poem.



Every city should have a Washington Monument

I find my eyes searching the skyline,
Scanning for moments from childhood,
For a ghost, a memorial towering in clouds,
Which in every city I expect to find,
Yet strike no sun-limned figure,
This pillar familiar, this tribute to humanity,
In marble rainment, blinding white,
It's vast trunk a work colossal,
Forever imprinted upon my mind,
Absent, yet still, commanding sky.

--Anika Ismel,  August 16, 2010

Drops of God

What, I ask you, what combines the two best-est things in the entire world?  If you said comic books and wine tasting, you'd be right. Right? Because nothing could be better than comic book about wine tasting.

Nothing.

Shin and Yuko Kibayashi's manga, Drops of God, follows the education of hero Shizuku, who after snubbing his family by working in the beer industry, stands to lose the hefty wine horde inheritance from his recently deceased father, a world-renowned wine critic.

Wines mentioned in the manga have had sales shoot through the roof and the July 2009 issue of Decanter called it "arguably the most influential wine publication for the past 20 years". GiltTaste has a great review.

However, what is telling and interesting is that in Japan, the comic reached popularity because it was an easy and entertaining way to learn about tasting and enjoying wine.

The US translation is published by Vertical. Remember to read the panels right to left, people.

A book is a dream that you hold in your hands

This is National Library Week in the US, and Neil Gaiman is serving as the honorary chair.  Euan Kerr of Minnesota Public Radio interviewed the writer and self described "feral child of librarians" about his love of libraries. His thoughts on their importance warms the heart of this librarian, and will likely ring true to any lover of the printed word. He reiterates the point that the institution and its stewards are more relevant than ever, acting as trusted guides through the wilderness of digital information. They're also stalwart and hysterical defenders of freedom of speech, and the privacy rights of patrons.

Highlighting the issue of censorship, the American Library Association has released its list of the ten most frequently challenged books for 2009.  There are both new and classic titles on the list, and the most frequently cited reasons for requesting their removal from shelves are offensive language, sexual content, or religious viewpoint.  “Protecting one of our most fundamental rights – the freedom to read – means respecting each other’s differences and the right of all people to choose for themselves what they and their families read.”

I recommend exercising your rights, and picking up a copy of a challenged book.  Or you can join One Book, One Twitter, a "big read" project that aims to use the power of social media for good, and get people reading and talking about the same book this summer.  Vote for your favorite from Wired's list of ten candidates.

No Rest for the Wicked

Had a chat on Saturday regarding the general creepiness and horror genre overtones inherent in fairy tales. The verdict on Rumpelstiltskin? It doesn't really have a good guy. Even the princess tries to welch out on her deal.

Enter, Andrea L. Peterson's No Rest For the Wicked, a clever, darkly moody, brilliantly penned webcomic based on a mash-up of the grimmest fairy tales. Exactly what type of girl did Little Red Riding Hood grow up to be? What kind of creature tempts children too near an oven? And exactly what is inspiring about a girl with no hands?

It's a fun romp, deliciously laced with dark moments like bitter chocolate sprinkled in cookies. Enjoy.

The Cocktail

I've discussed manly drinks and their undeniable contribution to drinking culture. (Hey, a cabinet stocked with fine whiskey does much to elevate ones social lubrication IQ). But "The Cocktail," written by Jane Rocca, celebrates what is romantic and undeniably feminine about cocktails without the usual syrupy fruitiness and with all the glamour (and gorgeous evening gowns) of old world seduction. Think dark strangers and romantic glimpses. Think glittering champagne in vintage glasses. Think real babe bravado and risky infusions. And when you see the moody, mixed media illustrations by Australian Kat McLeod, you'll think of teasing and conquering and commanding attention as well.

Now you can keep Moet et Chandon in that pretty cabinet as well.

Wondermark

Wondermark's "Genre-Fiction Generator 2000" insures I'll never have to outline a story again. I was always a pantser, anyway. Also, start reading Wondermark by David Malki. It's Steampunk, it used to appear in the Onion, and it's so biting you may walk away with tooth marks.

XKCD: Volume 0

XKCD has produced their first book featuring selections from the first 600 comics including artist and fan favorites. (Gee, I seem to have developed tremors in my fingers, directly related to overt anticipation). Assembled from high-resolution scans of the original (some of them confessed to be on the back of school assignments) with the often hilarious and insightful mouseover text is included, volume 0 has the extra bonus of additional doodles, notes, and puzzles by Randall Munroe included in the margins. You can read more about the production of Volume 0 at the xkcd Blag.

Published by BreadPig, a portion of the sales will go to the charity Room to Read, which will help build a school in Laos. And, hey, we're all into reading.

Run, don't walk, and buy xkcd: volume 0 direct from the source, available in the xkcd store.

"Reading Rainbow" Reaches Its Final Chapter

This Is How the World Ends.

As a result of a Department of Education obsessed with policies that focus on learning fundamentals like phonics and spelling instead of comprehension, the joys of self-discovery and the value of making meaningful choices, neither PBS, nor the Corporation for Public Broadcasting will be renewing Reading Rainbow's broadcasting rights. NPR's report, "Reading Rainbow Reaches Its Final Chapter" details how the Emmy award winning 26-year-old program hosted by Levar Burton is coming to an end.

As a precocious child, I'd polished off the entire Chronicles of Narnia series by the age of eight. Twice. Reactions from my teachers varied from disbelief to outright irritation. With regards to educational programming, I was more interested in Yan Can Cook and Julia Child than the fantasyland of Mr. Rogers or the ridiculous antics of the Electric Company (no disrespect!), which I thought insulted my tender intelligence.

Reading Rainbow was one of the only children's shows I adored, especially because it was one of the precious few that treated children with dignity. Here were kids acting as tiny hosts: they liked books and they spoke on a face-to-face level about the ideas they had fostered within themselves. The cancellation of a show that openly addresses adolescent escapism seems oddly draconian.

By the time I was in the fifth grade (and making my first run at the Lord of the Rings) my elementary school had put me aside to help teach other children how to read. Even at age ten I realized you can not teach someone how to read if they don't love to read, and Reading Rainbow demonstrates that learning fundamentals (suck it NCLB!) is best accomplished by instilling a deep love of reading in children.

To this day, I can not make it through the unreasonably emotion-jerking theme song without bursting into tears. It calls to mind an age before the internet when I thought I could learn how to do anything, to be anything, or go anywhere by simply going to the library. And when the snarky teachers punished me because they couldn't believe I read the whole thing in just a couple of hours, I could just open up another book and hang out with people who were just like me.

Ain't That A Shame

Author Justine Larbalestier writes Young Adult fiction and has written a letter to her fans regarding the outcry over the cover of her latest novel, "Liar". You see, the novel's protaganist, Micah, is a young black girl with nappy hair, while the the cover features a young white girl with straight hair.

Justine explains that, "Authors do not get final say on covers. Often they get no say at all." but goes on to lambast her puplisher, bloomsbury for whaite-washing its covers. Moreover, the book is about a pathological liar, and a cover with a girl looking nothing like how the protaganist describes herself, the meaning and truthfulness of the story is called into question.

You can read Larbalestier's entire response at her website, Justine Larbalestier: writing, reading, eating, drinking, sport.

Ursula Le Guin complained over the same white-washing of her covers in (one of my personal favorite responses to this kind of thing), "A Whitewashed Earthsea: How the Sci Fi Channel wrecked my books" on The Slate, where she describes publishing the orginal Earthsea trilogy thirty years ago:

I had endless trouble with cover art. Not on the great cover of the first edition—a strong, red-brown profile of Ged—or with Margaret Chodos Irvine's four fine paintings on the Atheneum hardcover set, but all too often. The first British Wizard was this pallid, droopy, lily-like guy—I screamed at sight of him.

Gradually I got a little more clout, a little more say-so about covers. And very, very, very gradually publishers may be beginning to lose their blind fear of putting a nonwhite face on the cover of a book. "Hurts sales, hurts sales" is the mantra. Yeah, so? On my books, Ged with a white face is a lie, a betrayal—a betrayal of the book, and of the potential reader.

I remember reading the trilogy in middle school and when I realized Ged was not white I scrutinized the cover fitfully. Ged was so small, I could have hardly been able to tell if he were purple.

Finally, I encourage you to take the time to read, "Shame," a short essay from Pam Noles about growing up black and loving science fiction and fantasy, while being black. One of my favorite tidbits is condensed below while she talks about Star Wars.

Then "Star Wars" came out. I was 11...I spazzed all the way through the screening, my first science fiction movie on the big screen and with everything so huge, it made a big difference...Han Solo had this ship that he flew upside down! Darth Vader even breathed scary!! And there were robots!!! And Luke had to fly into the canyon on the Death Star with the other ships shooting at him and he had to get the bomb into a tiny hole and then he turned off the machine thing and he prayed to Obi Wan and bomb went in. And then they got medals. Also there was a giant teddy bear with stringy hair and a gun.

He said it sounded as if I liked it. I said I mostly thought it was absolutely great. And it was, really. Don't get me wrong. But it was like most of the other stuff I had seen. I explained to him about the planet where Luke came from, a desert with two suns? And how here, where we only one sun, in the desert the people are black. I told him how there wasn't even one black person in the whole movie, even in the background, and I had looked.

Just reminding movie producers, book publishers and video game marketers that we are want our stories as stories. And we are watching, all of us, the black, white, yellow, female, male, straight, gay, Christian, Islamic, Jewish, martian all of us. And we don't like everyone in our heads to be white and male. Even the white males don't like it. So you got a lot of catching up to do. Bozos.

How to Be a Villain

Well, birthday time is coming (as it inevitability does) and with it comes cupcakes stickers (thank, goodness, because my laptop was looking quite forlorn). Gifted with the cupcake stickers came a canary yellow book called "How to be a Villain," by Neil Zawacki. Somewhere between the warmly hilarious machinations of Austin Grossman's "Soon I Will Be Invincible," and the self-esteem building practicality of Marjorie Hillis's "Live Alone and Like It," Zawacki creates an entertaining, annotated, illustrated guide outlining the ways to develop your inner darkness, all the while reassuring us that "there is an aspect of evil that is right for you,". Read now and laugh. Laugh, your evil laugh.

Readers of Boing Boing interview Michael Moorcock

What else needs to be said about the awesomeness of this concept. Tachyon Publications recently coordinated an interview on their blog, "Saving the World, One Good Book at a Time", where "The Readers of Boing Boing Interview Michael Moorcock". Who best to explore the angsty, bedeviled history of the creator of Elric of Melnibone, now the fiery-eyed, white-haired, quintessential symbol of fiction's antihero. Such gems discussed are how Moorcock based Elric on himself as a teenager and the connection between fantasy and science fiction genres and heavy metal.

And if you don't know who Michael Moorcock or Elric is, I..just. can't. uh. What? I just don't know who you are anymore.

Semi-Civillized

Just finished reading Sheri Tepper's "The Margarets" (Oh Sheri, why must your magnificent morality tales always peter out at the end) where future Earthians aren't passing muster as an intelligent or civilized species under the guidelines of interstellar trade organizations that classify newly discovered organisms, thusly in order to conserve the limited amount of habitable planets:

• Civilized - Those who know, care about and protect their living environment to sustainability
• Semi-civilized - Those who know and care about their living environment but are prevented (by public apathy, commercial interference, religious opposition, governmental corruption and the like) from protecting their living environments
• Barbarians - Those who know but don't care about their environment (<-- Ann Coulter)
• Animals - Those who do not know

It got me thinking (in a powerfully ruthless than mildy disconsolate sort of manner, thanks science-fiction, that I am wont to do), about all polices rooted in our regular life that we don't agree with but feel powerless about and therefore make ourselves powerless about (semi-civilized), or numbly pretend we can't do anything about until we no longer care (barbarian).

Thanks to Boing Boing, I found Skin Deep which is a non-profit database listing all the toxic ingredients in your cosmetics and personal care products (Hey start at the bottom, work your way up). Skin Deep is non-profit because the FDA doesn't require companies to test their products for safety (Barbarian? Semi-civilized?). Use their database, like I am, to horrify yourself on a daily basis, or perhaps to find out what you are allergic to in Maybelline's Great Lash. Now start composting.

Andy's Poem Planet

Ha! You thought I only put my own sundry poems up here. Well, Andy's Poem Planet is a friend of mine and its a little bit Dr. Suess, a little bit Mother Goose, and a little bit screw loose. Enjoy!